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Lo expulsan de secta vegana por comerse las uñas

Lo expulsan de secta vegana por comerse las uñas

 

Un nervioso vegano fue descubierto comiéndose las uñas mientras, con impaciencia, esperaba el nacimiento de su hijo, un brócoli plantado en un macetero. El Presidente de la Veganos Esperanzados Resolverán Grandes Amenazas (VERGA), Jorge Panduro, acompañaba al inminente padre durante la dulce espera cuando lo sorprendió mordiendo la comisura de su dedo meñique. De inmediato, sin miramiento alguno, lo expulsó de la secta VERGA.

Alberto Flores, cuyo nombre pertenece al agraviado, se defendió diciendo que nunca se comió la uña, que la pensaba escupir solapamente, que antes de ser vegano tenía esa costumbre y está dispuesto a ir hasta los tribunales con una radiografía estomacal, pruebas de ADN, muestras de heces y que pone al Dios de los veganos y a su flora intestinal como testigos de su palabra.

Según Jorge Panduro, las reglas de VERGA son muy claras: No comas nada que sea animal, ni que provenga de él, ni que haya sido pisado por él, no comas nada que ladre, rebuzne, maulle o hable, no comas en Mistura y no comas como ser humano sino como vaca; por lo tanto, Alberto Flores, a su parecer y según las normas, cometió un grave delito.

Finalmente, el señor Flores, no solo será expulsado de VERGA, sino que pasará un proceso disciplinario riguroso en el que se le obligará a comer un caldo de gallina donde la Tía Veneno y quedará prohibido de comer árboles, plantas nucleares, plantas de los pies y a cultivar cualquier amistad con otro vegano.

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